Friday, June 29, 2012

Homesick At Home. What It's Like To Be New In Town 4 Years Later

I'm beginning to wonder if this state will ever feel like home.

The beauty of the Natural State does a good job of filling the void for awhile but, at some point it should start to feel like you're home; right?

I feel like I've moved in but, maybe a piece of me is still across the state line waiting.

I find myself wishing I had the relationships I had there, over here. I miss my friends. I miss having girlfriends. I miss the bond and the inside jokes that date all the way back to grade school.

I miss knowing if I call, the phone will be answered or the missed call returned. I miss conversations via text with so many LOLs it starts to look like nonsense . I miss riding around in the car singing at the top of my lungs. I miss laughing so much my stomach and my face hurt.

Don't get me wrong, I have met some wonderful people here. D introduced me to his circle of friends and they were very welcoming and kind. This is their home already though. They have their friends, their girlfriends, their inside jokes, and their bonds established.

When I was home, I had a place in my community. I knew where I stood with people. I had professional relationships, and I had paid my dues.

Here it seems like I just can't get through the door. I try. I honestly try more than anyone would ever know. Will it ever be enough, or what "they" want? Who knows.

I volunteer. I love it. I jump at any given opportunity to do it. I could say I do it only for the good of doing it but, that wouldn't be completely honest. Although I do, do it just for that, I'd be lying if I didn't say I thought community service would open some doors for relationships, personal and professional.

I'm four years into the move. My kids are happy and healthy, and building relationships of their own. I'm happy for them.

Moving back isn't really an option because they deserve the time to establish the very bonds I am missing.

It's a bit embarrassing to admit I'm lonely.

I have a great guy who loves me so unconditionally, beautiful children that make me beem with pride, but I don't have the huge piece of me that comes from being home.

How do I make this home?

What else do I need to do?

How do you become part of a group or even make new friends?

As an adult it seems so stupid to cry at night because you're homesick.

It's not sleep-away-camp, it's life. It's the life I willingly chose, and a life I love with my family. But, it's still hard. It's still lonely. It's still scary.

Everyone deserves to feel like a part of something outside of their family. So here I am world, ready and waiting to feel like I'm home again.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Father's Day and Something To Screw

Sunday is Father's Day, and since I have to work and the girls are all gone for summer visitation, me and the boys took the Dad out tonight night for some yummy BBQ. It's his favorite.

While eating dinner, Boy 1 started questioning what activities were to come. 

Boy 1, "Hey Daddy, What are we going to do tomorrow while Momma is gone?"

The Dad, "Man work."

Boy 1, "Man work? Like what?"

The Dad, "We are going to mow, then spray bug stuff, maybe plant Momma's new flowers, and work around the house."

Boy 1, "Work with tools?"

The Dad, "Yep, working with tools."

Boy 1, "COOOOOL DAD!!"

(Our food comes and we start eating, THEN....)

Boy 1, "Hey Dad? Tomorrow can you find me something to screw?"

The Dad, while spitting Diet Coke out of his nose, "Yes son, yes, I'll find you something to screw."

Happy Father's Day!!