Friday, June 29, 2012

Homesick At Home. What It's Like To Be New In Town 4 Years Later

I'm beginning to wonder if this state will ever feel like home.

The beauty of the Natural State does a good job of filling the void for awhile but, at some point it should start to feel like you're home; right?

I feel like I've moved in but, maybe a piece of me is still across the state line waiting.

I find myself wishing I had the relationships I had there, over here. I miss my friends. I miss having girlfriends. I miss the bond and the inside jokes that date all the way back to grade school.

I miss knowing if I call, the phone will be answered or the missed call returned. I miss conversations via text with so many LOLs it starts to look like nonsense . I miss riding around in the car singing at the top of my lungs. I miss laughing so much my stomach and my face hurt.

Don't get me wrong, I have met some wonderful people here. D introduced me to his circle of friends and they were very welcoming and kind. This is their home already though. They have their friends, their girlfriends, their inside jokes, and their bonds established.

When I was home, I had a place in my community. I knew where I stood with people. I had professional relationships, and I had paid my dues.

Here it seems like I just can't get through the door. I try. I honestly try more than anyone would ever know. Will it ever be enough, or what "they" want? Who knows.

I volunteer. I love it. I jump at any given opportunity to do it. I could say I do it only for the good of doing it but, that wouldn't be completely honest. Although I do, do it just for that, I'd be lying if I didn't say I thought community service would open some doors for relationships, personal and professional.

I'm four years into the move. My kids are happy and healthy, and building relationships of their own. I'm happy for them.

Moving back isn't really an option because they deserve the time to establish the very bonds I am missing.

It's a bit embarrassing to admit I'm lonely.

I have a great guy who loves me so unconditionally, beautiful children that make me beem with pride, but I don't have the huge piece of me that comes from being home.

How do I make this home?

What else do I need to do?

How do you become part of a group or even make new friends?

As an adult it seems so stupid to cry at night because you're homesick.

It's not sleep-away-camp, it's life. It's the life I willingly chose, and a life I love with my family. But, it's still hard. It's still lonely. It's still scary.

Everyone deserves to feel like a part of something outside of their family. So here I am world, ready and waiting to feel like I'm home again.

6 comments:

  1. I completely get it. I also think it's different for males vs. females. Males can make friends quickly and just as easily turn it off. Females need to cultivate relationships and nurture each other and find a way to fit a person into their lives and see where they can best fit into someone else's life. ((((HUGS))))) I'm sorry you're feeling this way. One day, you'll feel differently, I promise! xoxo

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    1. Heather so so very true!

      Why don't yall just move here :)

      Then, you can be my friend from "back home"

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  2. I SOSOSO feel you on this. I've been here six years {in November}, bought my first home here, have a job that I was able to transfer {luckily I lurve my company and it provided some familiarity } and yet...it just doesn't feel like home. I'm homesick. I miss my friends. I'm too tired to make new friends {oh the excuses I make up}. I'm not Southern enough. I talk too fast. I'm not friendly enough. Ugh. I could go on and on.

    But there are so many other plusses that I won't bore you with. What has worked for me is getting involved in online communities like ARWB and totally spending too much time of Facebook stalking all my Michigan friends and fam.

    It gets easier. It really does. I don't cry anymore. Much.

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    1. Gina,

      I totally FB stalked you yesterday and sent you a friend request. I hope I get to attend unplugged, I just don't know yet.

      Delete
  3. I totally agree, it is hard and scary and FRUSTRATING. I got married and moved to Arkansas 14 years ago, we just moved to our 3rd state park where I have to start all over AGAIN making friends and becoming part of the community. I have been known to whine to hubby that I wish I had some girlfriends to go hang out with. Gina is right, thank goodness there are the ARWB gals, I count many of them as my best girlfriends even though none of them live in my town. Hang in there!

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  4. OMG, how much I relate to this. I was part of a professional (and mobile) community for many years where I had friends around the world. Since leaving that (almost 20 years ago) we have lived in 3 states.....even when I was still working and even when we lived in a city I absolutely loved .... I/we just did not make the connections of close friends and a sense of being part of a community.

    People were fairly open about the fact that they did not need "new friends" except those who were already involved in the same things (church, kids sports, PTA).

    As for volunteering....disasters...I have some incredible experience and skills to bring to volunteering but the organizations just wanted you to be a drone leave your brain at home.

    The 4 years in an Arkansas small community before moving (this year) to Fayetteville, I was so isolated I refer to it alternately as the Heart of Darkness and The Gulag.

    I hope that I can make connections and find a couple of real friends here in Fayetteville!

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