Silence Is Golden...

Silence is golden.

Unless you have kids..

It was a normal Saturday morning at our house. I was cleaning up the kitchen after breakfast. It was quiet.

It was quiet.

That should have been clue number 1.

As I loaded the dishwasher, I thought to myself "man the kids are being so good".

That should have been clue number 2.

I  continued cleaning still amazed that my children were playing so well together.

Playing well together?

And then it hit me. Like all moms when the quietness, and the good behavior, and the playing well together clicked in my mind I know something was up.

I ventured to the boys room opened the door to find a homemade zip-line.

That's right folks, my kids had worked together to build their very own zip-line.

IN THEIR ROOM!

They did it using only a jump rope, the bunk bed, and a single door knob.

Pretty cool right?

If the 9 year old and the 5 year old hadn't been placing their younger brother in an Easter basket for the ride down I might be a little more proud.

Bullying, The Truth Behind This Momma Wanting to Kick Some Ass (because that makes sense)

     “I shall remember forever and will never forget.

      Monday: my money was taken.

      Tuesday: names called.

      Wednesday: my uniform torn.

     Thursday: my body pouring with blood.

     Friday: it’s ended

     Saturday: freedom”

      That’s the final diary passage of thirteen-year old V. Singh. He was found hanging from the banister rail at home on the following Sunday. It is also a defining portion of the book Bullycide, Death at Playtime by Neil Marr and Tim Field.  October is National Bullying Awareness month. I’d like to talk a little about school bullying.  Bullying by definition in the Merriam-Webster dictionary means 1: to treat abusively 2. to affect by means of force or coercion. That’s so much more than just bad behavior.  

     For bad behavior to be considered bullying, it has to have two ingredients, says Rana Sampson. She wrote a pamphlet called Bullying in Schools for the U.S. Department of Justice. The first ingredient is repeated harmful acts against the same person. The second is an imbalance of power. That means one person (the bully) must have or believe that he or she has more power than the victim has. (Power can be physical strength, or it can be a type of mental control.)

Each bullying act, Sampson says, usually includes

* a victim,

* the ringleader bully

* assistant bullies (they join in),

* reinforcers (they laugh with or encourage the bully)

* bystanders (they don't take a side)

*  and defenders (they step in and stick up for or comfort the victim). (Hunt, P., & Nevins, D)

      According to the National Education Association it is estimated that 160,000 children miss school every day due to fear of attack or intimidation by other students. I’d feel safe saying that could probably be an understatement.

 I’d like to show you a picture of my son

 

(Cutie Pie, isn't he?)

Now I'd like to show you what bullying can do.

 



 

My son, at the age of 4, was a victim of school bullying. After the bullying became physical we had no choice but to withdraw him from the program. Luckily for us, the damage has been fairly minimal. He isn’t dealing with any real emotional issues and everything but one scar has healed and disappeared.

 

Bullying is real. It’s not something that just happens to everyone else. It can happen anywhere.

 

     If you check out the website Make Beats Not Beat Downs, you can find information about the different types of bullying.

     “Bullying can take many forms but it usually includes the following types of behavior:

• Physical – hitting, kicking, pinching, punching, scratching, spitting or any other form of physical attack. Damage to or taking someone else’s belongings may also constitute as physical bullying.

• Verbal – name calling, insulting, making racist, sexist or homophobic jokes, remarks or teasing, using sexually suggestive or abusive language, offensive remarks

• Indirect – spreading nasty stories about someone, exclusion from social groups, being made the subject of malicious rumors, sending abusive mail, and email and text messages (cyber bullying).

• Cyber Bullying - any type of bullying that is carried out by electronic medium.” (http://www.makebeatsnotbeatdowns.org/facts_new.html)

 

     Knowing what bullying is, the different ways it can occur and the seriousness of the issue; how do we prevent it? Can we prevent? Most people say the key to bullying prevention is awareness. You know that old saying “knowledge is power”, bullying prevention is a great example of that at work.  Be aware of your surroundings. No, not the physical surroundings, the people you are surround with. Familiarize yourself with their behaviors their moods. Be aware of those things so you can and will notice any changes. Read the clues. Are they having any frequent headaches or stomach aches, feeling sick or faking illness? Have there been any changes in eating habits, like suddenly skipping meals or binge eating? Are they having difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares? Are there grades declining? Is there a loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school? Maybe there is a sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations or feelings of helplessness or decreased self-esteem. These are all clues that something like bullying is going on.

 

     If you determine bullying is occurring, a resolution lies within your reaction. React the right way.  Stay calm, and have an orderly plan. Start by assessing the level of bullying. All types of bullying should be taken seriously, but how you handle it will depend on the nature, severity and duration. Once you have gathered all of the facts try emailing or meeting with the teacher. Here is where staying calm really comes in to play. Try to remember you’re on the same team. If the teacher can’t resolve the problem, involve the principal. Put it in writing, explaining the steps you’ve taken, and ask that they intervene. Find out what they plan to do to keep the child safe. Then monitor the situation, and if you’re not satisfied, meet with the superintendent or, if necessary, the school board. If it’s cyber bullying report the harassment to your Internet Service Provider. If it’s physical, report it to the police.

 

     Finally, no matter how tempted you are, don’t confront the bully or his parents. Tempers are likely to flare, which will just make the situation worse. Leave it to the school or legal authorities.

 

William Shakespeare wrote,

    “All the world’s a stage,

     And all the men and women merely players.

     They have their exits and their entrances,

     And one man in his time plays many parts, …”  (As You Like It, Act 2, Scn. 7)

 

     “The bully, the bullied, and the bystander are three characters in a tragic play performed daily in our homes, schools, playgrounds, and streets.” (Colorose, B.) And, just like the characters in Shakespeare’s play, the roles we have as characters in life are real and the consequences of some actions can be deadly.

 

Which characters are you?

Have Some Chocolate With Me

Tomorrow would be my Momma's 72nd birthday. Would be. She passed away 11 years ago this past February.

My entire life, well as far back as I can remember, I have celebrated her birthday by laying a single red rose and a Hershey chocolate bar by her bed for when she woke up. I always wanted it to be the first "gift" she got that day, and my older brothers and sisters were always happy to help me make that happen.

As we grew up I eventually became able to do it all on my own. And, for the last 11 years I have quietly continued to celebrate her birthday by laying a single red rose on her headstone and sitting along side it enjoying a Hershey candy bar.

Tomorrow will be no different, but, tomorrow I'd like each of you to help me celebrate her by having a Hershey chocolate bar yourself.

Maybe you could you send me a pic of how you're enjoying it. Post it here, post it on Facebook, tweet it. maybe that will make the day a little easier.

I think she would like that.

Boy 1 Is Wondering...

So the other day, The Dad and I were spending some time with Boy 1.

We were headed to get some lunch when Boy 1 started to ask questions.

Questions are great.

I love that my kids ask questions because they want to know, or learn something.

What I don't love is the unknown of what said questions may be.

Being a parent is hard.

Anyways, back to the other day. So we are headed to lunch and the questions start.

It's the normal stuff. Woo Hoo!! Nothing to see here people; just a 5 year old boy asking his Momma and Dad "why" about a million times or to change the radio station, or if he can go here or there, and could we do this or that.

Then he asked...

Boy 1 "Dad, do humans make other humans?"

(so glad he asked The Dad)

The Dad "Well what do you think? Your Momma is a human and you came from your momma."

Boy 1 "DUH Dad!! I know Mommies make babies but do humans make other humans?!?"

The Dad "You ARE a human, Momma is a human, babies are human."

Boy 1 "Oh! Oh yeah I knew that."


Man, my kid is a genius ;)

Lazy Butts!

My children have reached a whole new level of laziness. 

Seriously! Instead of walking to the linen closet to grab a few rolls of toilet paper, Daughter 1 leaves this lovely message on the bathroom mirror. 

Ya know because that was easier...